Just like your relationship, no two marriage counseling sessions are the same. The conversation you share with your spouse and your mental health professional will be expertly catered to your unique needs. While all couples are unique, many of them face similar issues, and therefore marriage counseling often involves many of the same questions. These questions might be scary to voice aloud, but by no means are you the first person to ever ask them.
Here are the top 6 most common questions that marriage counseling can help you to answer.
1. Can our marriage be saved?
This is the burning question plenty of people who begin marriage counseling have at the forefront of their minds. If this question lingers in your brain, invest in marital counseling as soon as you are able. Waiting until your relationship is frayed and stressful will make the process more difficult.
A counselor can guide the conversation and help you to unravel your own thoughts and feelings, but the answer ultimately rests with you and your loved one. Talk about each partner’s commitment to making the marriage last, as your counselor guides you in a course of action. If you both desire to continue in the marriage, your counselor can help you both come to a space of renewed love and contentment.
2. What do we do if there is no attraction between us?
This is one of the most common questions asked during marriage counseling sessions. Many couples seek therapy to rekindle either emotional or sexual attraction. Though an extremely intimate subject, once the question is out in the open, you’re bound to start making progress.
Learning how to foster intimacy can be a major source of growth in your marriage counseling journey. Although marriages may struggle when there is little attraction, they will flourish when a sense of desire is restored. Your marriage counselor can help you identify and pursue creative ways to charm and flatter each other, increasing satisfaction for both spouses.
3. What do I do if my spouse is cheating on me?
Affairs could make up an entire category of questions on their own. With these questions comes a flood of suspicion, accusations and defensiveness, and these conversations are better held with your counselor as a mediator.
Your marriage counselor can help you to decide on the healthiest course of action for both of you from an objective standpoint, enlightening you to the other’s perspective. Cheating is not a problem that will be solved in a single session, but with time and work, committed couples can come to an understanding that is earnest and healing.
4. How can we get back to the way things were?
Often in marriage, couples learn this difficult truth: people change. Individuals are changed by their experiences, surroundings and simply the passing of time. Think about how much you have changed in the past few years. Reflecting on your own transformations, it’s no wonder your spouse seems different after 20 years.
Sure, we would all like to transport back to the honeymoon days, but with changing personalities there is also the opportunity for growth. Your marriage counselor will help you to identify the way things have shifted and will help you arrive at new qualities to admire in your spouse or ways to engage in newfound hobbies. A marriage renewed in counseling can be even better than it was in the good old days.
5. How can I forgive my spouse for something that happened in the past?
Nothing builds a wall in a relationship like harboring resentment for a past offense. The deed may be heinous, and undoubtedly may feel unforgivable, but healing and rekindling love is always possible.
In these situations, a marriage counselor will likely facilitate an in-depth discussion, both about what happened and your reaction to it. Allowing your partner a chance to explain and apologize can open the door to forgiveness. Talking about your reaction might bring up underlying insecurities in the relationship, which you should feel empowered to vocalize.
How can we improve short and long-term communication?
Marriage counselors are master communicators. Your counselor will have a plethora of skills, tricks and tools to share with you and your loved one that can have a life-long positive impact on shared dialogue between you and your spouse. In sessions, you will learn to identify poor communication habits, like criticism or defensiveness. Knowing where your conversations go wrong can allow you to change daily habits to make your chats kinder and more meaningful.
Solid communication is something most couples are strongly committed to when fulfilling their marriage vows, but implementing strong communication easily falls by the wayside as you raise kids or pursue careers. With your marriage counselor’s guidance, you will learn to reframe patterns that have built up over the years so you can express meaningful love on a daily basis.
This is certainly not an exhaustive list of the best marriage counseling session questions, but it can give you an idea as to some of the answers you might be looking for when you start counseling. If you have other marriage counseling questions, write them down before sessions begin so that you remember what’s on your mind when the time comes to speak. Most of your questions won’t have black-and-white answers, but they will help you arrive at a greater sense of love and peace with your spouse.
Mazzitti and Sullivan Counseling offers counseling services to individuals, couples and families. If your relationship is struggling, get help for your marriage and any family member who may be affected. Reach out today or call (800) 809-2925 to start mental health counseling, with professionals who will support and guide you in this time of difficulty.